Insigni's blog

Did you know that Match.com has around twelve million members, but only a million or so of those listed have paid their dues?

The most asked questions from Romance Clients? “Why don’t they answer my emails?” Well, first off, you don’t know and never will. But it’s a pretty good guess is that this guy or lady is cheap.

If you have had much experience as an Internet dater, you’ve undoubtedly had the experience of putting out first email contacts to prospective Sweetheart and then gotten no answer back. A response rate of 30% to first emails is considered good!

On Match.com as well as many of the other Internet dating sites, you can post a profile for free, but you have to pay to email other listers or respond to emails sent to you.

You can’t tell the payers from the freeloaders. And people who aren’t paid members can’t email, either to contact you first, or to answer when you write. That means that a very high percentage of those people you are carefully looking over are too cheap to pay less than a dollar a day to be able to email you!

Maybe that’s a lot of what’s behind the 30% who do get back to you. They’re the only ones who are paid up!

Though I live now in Mississippi with my new husband Drew, I’m from Maine. I still own a house there on a beautiful island in the mid-coast area, so I get back to visit once or twice a year. Every spring, after the snow melts, all the debris that has accumulated over the winter along the roadsides gets exposed to the light of day. And along with tulips and daffodils, up spring the “For Sale” signs.

For years I wondered about why so many houses came up for sale every spring. Every other house seems to be on the market.

Finally, someone explained to me that lots of folks just put out those “For Sale” signs sort of for sport. All the locals know that summer people are heading this way, and those “city folks” have very distorted ideas about fair property values. So the sport is to put out a “For Sale” sign, ask a very inflated price, and see if anyone will bite. If you’re lucky and catch a rich one, you just may be able to fund your retirement. Otherwise, life goes on, you get to stay in your house, and then try again next year. Sounds like a form of digging for gold to me.

Believe it or not, lots of people who are listed on dating sites are doing just that: They put out their “For Sale” sign with their profile and look like they are seriously “in the market” for a Sweetheart. Really, they have a way over-inflated idea of what they can get and are waiting to see if some fool will bite. These folks have stuck out their “For Sale” sign, but they aren’t seriously looking. Except for the jackpot.

In the Internet dating world, this is deceptive advertising in the worse way, because the reader has no way of knowing if the profiler they are interested in is really serious and a paid-up member or not. The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid! All the others are freeloading teases.

If you are considering CyberRomance or are already posted on a site or two, pay your dues like a grown-up. Do your part to contribute to the energy and integrity of this wonderful resource for singles. If there’s a time to “put your money where your mouth is,” this is it. If you’re serious, pay up. If you’re not serious, stay out of the game.

I’m over it. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” they say. Well, apparently I have been using the wrong bait. Nobody said dating would be easy, but Hollywood sure likes to paint it that way, doesn’t it? “There’s someone for everyone,” they say. Maybe that ought to translate to, “There’s someone for everyone….as long as you’re a muscled pretty boy with washboard abs, and at least 6 feet tall.”

So how does one get by this unsettling dating stipulation? Are we actually to believe that love will find us when we’re not looking? I think people who say that are normally in happy relationships when they say it. Can we “buy” outer beauty from an online store to match our own inner beauty? Somebody is buying pheromones and weight-loss pills and liposuction and facial restructuring. Hell, now people even get plastic surgery to make them look like a celebrity. Huh??? And you know what? I bet these things work for people. As long as it can build the confidence up in someone, it also strengthens the attraction. So how can we build up that confidence without spending tons of money to people who know how the game works? Sounds like a question for the shrink.

I suppose its all part of why I started up a matchmaking service with a friend of mine in Los Angeles. It can be so frustrating out there. And being “alone” can only make your work day more stressful, it seems. So if I had someone to do the dirty work for me….get me the dating connections, counsel me on why I might not be getting that second date, maybe my frustration level would decrease. So I went into the business….pretty much as a means to find out what can be done to find the perfect one.

OK, so nobody’s perfect, but at least maybe I can find a decent one who happens to have similar ethics as myself. Oh, and a killer sense of humour is mandatory. But looking around, nobody was going to help me, a fact that made me feel even more alone! So I had to do it myself. Such is life, right? Part of it might be that I feel a need to always be in control of my own destiny. As long as I am actively pursuing something, I am a success. Yea, that sounds right! So I joined forced with my cohort and we started Let’s Meet Here. Now I’m gonna’ find the one, right?

Wrong!

As it seems unethical to date my own clients (damn, I knew I’d run into some roadblock!), I figured….at least pass on any information I can gather to those who need it (and baby, we all need it!). Granted, I am learning about all this stuff now. It seems every date and every relationship is completely unique. There is no list of do’s and don’ts that applies. But I do know that going into the business has allowed me an increase in confidence that is apparent in me without my even having to think about it. I am starting to really believe that success comes from the active pursuit of a goal, whether or not the goal is achieved. The process in itself builds character…and character is attractive.

So while I learn as I go, I will show as I go too. It is absolutely within my own power to be a success. And the pursuit of achievements is an achievement of its own. However, I have also learned that a little is never enough. And to settle after one’s success is no success at all. Maybe now I’m fishing with the right bait!